HEYYYY guys. lol sooo basically...I haven't written a blog here since September...OF LAST YEAR! that's a long time for no post. okay. After my last entry I was hired to work in the Pit Orchestra at FA. The musical...The Wiz...black music. A FREAKING MAZING. Then that was over...and I went to Canada to visit my sister...over Thanksgiving weekend...then I came home...hung out with my friends for a while... Then Christmas came...which was ALSO A FREAKING MAZING...i got this absolutely gorgeous necklace that I don't think i've taken off except maybe twice...thennn... NewYearsEve
I was alone. yeah it pretty much ate ass. OOOHHH but I was alright. I got to reflect back on the year. Back on my mistakes...back on my victories.
FLASHBACK SEQUENCE...
For instance...if you *did/had/have since* seen me you would know that I under went MAJOR weight fluctuation. Mostly through the summer...while I was living in Bangor...and I had every drug I could think of at my disposal. I took that to my advantage and used. When I say used I don't mean this oooh let's test it. I USED. I went from weighing in at 250 to weighing in at 210 in a matter of 10 days. As psyched as I was about losing the weight...I was not psyched that my body was going to hell. I spent a night in the ER at EMMC and I spent my time afterwards trying to clean up...with no avail. It was one constant party. Then the rumors started flying that I was a heroin addict...i've never tried it. Nor WOULD I EVER. I'm afraid of hypodermic needles for goodness sake. Then i moved home. I cleaned up...i kept drinking...but that was what helped me stay clean...I have been clean of cocaine, mushrooms, lsd, ritalin, vicadin, oxycodone, methadone, and antidepressants now for almost 6 months. Congratulations me. My sister came home from canada permanently...which is good...because I missed her a lot and she and I have been getting along a lot better lately. recentnews.
Residency:
Now I live in Old Town...*which is just outside Bangor for those that don't know...* with my sister and one of my best friends *robert*. They're both amazing and we've had a couple big arguements...and a few good cries. But life is as it is meant to be. It will all continue going on for everyone and we will all be contented. ♥love:
I never thought I'd say this. But...I'm in love. For the first time ever. With one of the most amazing guys I've ever known. We've been just friends for like 2.5 years and he's the best thing to ever happen to me. Even after hearing my histories...even after hearing my exploits...even after hearing about this summer Brian has stuck by me and it's made me Love him more. I was pretty sure I loved him after my July...but wasn't sure until every thought I had revolved around him. They really do too. He's the one guy I don't see myself getting hurt by. He's the one guy I would and could never hurt...ever...without hurting myself in the process. He's the one guy...that knows I've made mistakes and yet he said "I Love You." first. It's the first real not so tangible item in my life that I never want to go away. It's the first time I've ever been so happy and yet still able to show other emotions. He's opened a lot of doors for me. He's also let me in far enough that *if i wanted to* which I never will...i could have turned away at the sound of one MAJOR thing in his past. Brian...if you read this...I love you. spiritualism:
God and I don't talk very often anymore. Which I'm kinda sad about, but at the same time...I don't worry about it. At the same time...I know that while my heart isn't perfect with him...he still listens to me. He gave me Brian didn't he? Well. yeah. Life:
I've been clean since July 5, 2006. No drugs. This was a MAJOR thing for me since i'd been going at it pretty solidly for about 5 weeks. I'm happy now. I've not had a sad day since like January 1. and I'm working harder and harder to start over. I love my life right now. Which is also something I never thought I'd hear or see myself say or type. I hope all of you find yourselves smiling at the end of this...even though I rehashed some of my worse days...things did turn out for the best. I know what I can handle and what I can't...and I know which of my friends I can and can't rely on. Trace | 
